Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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