He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
