Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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