So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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