I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
