So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
