You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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