Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
