I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
