somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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