We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The air was thick with penises
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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