Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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