So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
