if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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