You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
