found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
