omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You took a bar mat shot.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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