The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
