i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
