I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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