Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize