Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
