he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hippo gnu deer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
