tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
