Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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