Christians are straight up FREAKS
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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