I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I should be sponsored by Trojan
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
