hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
