I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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