i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
