Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
