you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
