Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
