His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
