dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We have started to decorate penises.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
