I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
