evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
