i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
