Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My room smells like vodka and shame
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize