Don't you send me to vm
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
