you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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