They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
