if you like me you must not know who I am
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
