you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize