i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize