I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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