Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
