So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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