Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
