The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
