But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
