speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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