Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
