I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
