Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
