i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
