just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize