Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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