I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
