I got chris browned last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
