i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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