When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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