Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
