but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
