Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
