my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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