Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What happened to fro yo and sex?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
