I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
