Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
