Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
