You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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