So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
