My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
