I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
