I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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