Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
