If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
