I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
