just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
