he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
