I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
