Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
